My story,
Respect to my posts is the least you could give.

Heypeople,
Decided to open up my blog again, it has been awhile.
Today is 5th of May, Vesak day, and looking back upon this year. Time really flies.
How it feels like it was just yesterday that I started on this journey of being jc2..
Yesterday was chapelthon, and honestly i felt God's prescence there so much & I miss fairfield so much. I miss the christian community there, I miss the bond I feel there when everyone prays as a family. All my doubts/absurb thoughts of how this "bond" I feel is all an illusion is all gone. I really could feel the huge difference now, and I really miss fairfield so much.
Then again, it is already MAY. It really scares me as to how fast time has really gone by, how scary A levels is but throughout the worship yesterday, god was constantly speaking to me through the lyrics of the songs. He kept saying, "I'm always faithful. Don't be afraid." & i really felt God's peace within me.
Thank you Lord.
Looking back upon the posts in this blog once again reminded me of the promise I made to Him this year, the promise that I will never drift. The promise that my sole aim this year is to be the light for him in this world, that I will conquer A's victoriously for his glory and yet I've deviated far from this aim.
Indeed it is really time for me to get my act together. It is time for me to stop wasting my time away on things that are not important. It is time for me to prioritise God in my life.
Often, I find it so hard to just let go and let God take charge. I find it so hard to just say "God take it from me." But you know what, God never forsakes me, God never abandons me.
After all these wild goose chase for love in this fallen world, it has really reminded me of this one cruel thing, everyone fails you. When I say everyone, it is everyone. The only person that would never ever ever fail you, is God.
& I've really come to realise this.
I'm gonna rededicate my life to him. I'm gonna let my life be a testimony of him to others. I'm gonna do my best for His glory. My limitations are small in His eyes, and by His strength I'm but a conquerer. I don't mean getting straight A's, even if I do not do well in A's, as long as I'm going through this journey with God, it is enough.
Stay faithful, stay faithful.


'


Hi blog,
now its just you and I.
I don't know whether to let go of z. I know that what I'm doing is wrong but why am i still so insistent on it. What happened to the faith that I once spoke so firmly about. I feel like I'm backsliding.. I feel like my life is losing the presence of God. I feel so lost, idk who else i can turn to when nicole is gone. Idk how my life is gonna be like.
Doing GP essay today really made me realise how much this world has changed, how much life has changed how evil and how horrid this world is. I just feel so tired. Tired of all of these chasing, these rat races that never end. I'm tired of this feeling of emptiness.
god, i know i'm never good enough and i cant request anything of you. But I have one thing to ask, i know you know my thoughts you know every single one of them, you know my every emotion. Dear lord, please just guide me. Could you let me feel your presence once again..
I'mm a faker. I say things but i don't do it. I hate myself for being like this. FAKER.
Idk if i can take this year honestly, its too much for me to handle already.
I just feel like ccrying, i just feel like heck caring about everything. Why can't life be just about being happy, why must everything be so competitive. Why must I live in a city, why can't i just live in the countryside where everyone is more genuine and real.
Sometimes i really resent the fact that I'm in singapore, a country that makes you lose your direction of life.
Nicole is leaving on sunday.. idk what to think of that anymore.I just know that it's good for her. and no matter what i'll support her in whatever she does. That's what friends do. Friends are not selfish. Friends love, friends support one another in times of need. I'm gonna miss her so much, not a single person in this world will be able to understand how i feel right now but God. She is my pillar of support my source of comfort and refuge...my confidante.
I'm gonna miss you nic. from the deep down bottom of my heart.
lord, help.


Heyyyy,
so here I am blogging when I have piles of homework to do. Life is getting really tough these days. I feel really tired physically and most importantly, emotionally. Idk what to say. I think even though people fail me, i think I'm truly disappointed in myself.
.......................This is only the start. Press on yeewei.
Got quite upset over IS and _ . Yea but its okay, I'm not gonna just fall. I'm gonna be brave and press on.
yes yes yessssssss.

This year is a hard and tough year but i know i can do it. I know i can do it. I know i can. & I may be shutting down this blog/privating it soon. yea


Helloooooooooooooooooo ):
Dear blog, i really dread school tmr howwwwwwwwwwwww )))): sigh & now i can't sleep cause I had dinner too late ); I have really mixed feelings bout school. Sometimes I kinda wish i was a geek/nerd instead then won't have so much socio-politics know? Its cause of the socio-politics that I hate school now actually. It used to be so much better in fairfield. I MISS FAIRFIELD TTM. & I reallllllllyyyyyy wish tmr was a dream and nothing is gonna be true. EVERYTHING WAS A DREAM, yea right.
): SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This is mega random. I know, thanks. BYE.


Hi,
the current emotion i'm feeling right now is so intense i feel like my heart is really about to burst. 18 days. really? I'm really not ready.. Yea, stay strong. How easy is it to say it, but how hard is to actually do it. I thought I will be feeling better as the day comes, feeling more courageous to face this year. But fact is, i'm really afraid. Okay, i need to stop feeling this way. I know this is good for her, i know i shouldnt be selfish.

I'm gonna miss you best. I'm really going to. I'm gonna miss all the shopping times, all the long phonecalls when i'm coming home from school, when we just feel like talking/something happened. When everything seems to be so much better when i'm talking to you. When we just meet up to do nothing but talk & do our nails. When we just be who we are. I wish i could go with you, i wish i didnt have to face A's all by myself, I wish all this was just a dream and i can just wake up from it & everything is not true.

Tomorrow, we are going out. Probably the last few times we are gonna go out. I'm gonna treasure it. I regret not treasuring our friendship enough. I regret the times which i could have went out with you but i didn't. I'm gonna be happy tmr, i'm not gonna cry..

Friends are friends forever, if the Lord is the lord of them. I know God will keep you & I close. I know he'll be watching over our friendship. & no one can ever take away the memories of what we've done together.

I need to pull myself together. I'll be strong for you, i know you wouldn't want to see me like this. It's just hard.. I know you get it. 7 years of friendship.

NY = Nic & Yeewei = New york. hahah, okay lame.
till i blog again.


22nd jan. :/








hey everyone
I'm back to blog again since i'm waiting to transfer some files over to my hard disk. I'm back from korea & from Ub10! (: Korea was awesome but somehow i think because my heart was so troubled over so many things like the upcoming ub i wasnt able to fully let go. And even though the trip was awesome & stuff, it felt nothing like ub. I enjoyed the fellowship & all w robin uncle's family & renling auntie's family, celebrating nicole's birthday! But i guess i just couldn't stop all the worrying.
Chairing a camp so last minute is not a very nice thing to be doing, & i was just so afraid that things will just not go right, that i would ruin this camp which so many of the youths were looking forward to.
When i came back, i remembered the first thing i asked my sister when we got home was ub stuff. Is this done yet, is this done yet? could you send me this, that. Then i go texting the committee & all. & i still remembered the first & only meeting we had with kokwei the day before the camp. We just got all the logistics stuff & we were sitting down there, having ran through everything on the timetables and we just decided to pray. Knowing there was only one thing left to do & that was to hand it over to God. But you know what, it isn't easy to say God take control, I trust that everything will be fine when you doubt so much that it will be. During the prayer kokwei uncle said " Lord , I pray that whatever we lack lord we trust that you will provide and right now we just lift this cammp into your hands."
Such faith, I really admire him. One most important thing i learnt in this camp is surrender, to ABIDE.
Pastor Andy was the pastor that we invited to share in this camp. Having met him a few times before hand, this was my first time hearing a sermon from him. And his message/the message God has given to him for the youths really left a huge impact. Many felt touched & wokened up by the holy spirit and i'm one of em. Going to the camp, i remembered how jittery i felt having to address the campers. And after day 1, we had a night debrief where we set down in groups to reflect upon the day. That day we had station games, & i remembered how miraculous the entire day was. Everything went as planned, nothing went wrong except the weather & no one got injured, everyone enjoyed the game & we were all happily in our groups in the room. I didn't have to shout like crazy, everyone was cooperative & it was just so amazing. I just felt God being there, he just lifted the burden away from my shoulders and say " Look yeewei, you are not the camp commander, I am. You are my mouthpiece, I will guide you and I will make things right. Just trust me."
And this statement was reitterated so many times during Pastor Andy's sermon with the last session showing this video clip on how god just needs us to trust in him but more often than not we just can't. We just don't trust him enough to let him take control.
As the days went by, I just felt so at ease during the camp. SO AT EASE, more than i felt in xiamen trip more than i felt in this whole entire year. I just felt so calm and i could feel god's peace in my heart. I just knew he was in the camp.
The new sec 1s that joined us & zhiting were such a blessing, enjoyed interacting with them & all (: staying up in the night to gaze stars with colleen & some others were really memorable times. No need to be glam, no need to pretend to be who people want you to be. Just being me, being with people i grew up with, being with people that wouldn't judge me, being with people that I love. (:
That feeling is really awesome. I'm really thankful for this extended family i have in Christ. I really feel a strong sense of belonging to all my churchmates. (: grateful.
I came to the camp wanting to find an answer to something, i told yulan on the first day. I'm looking for an answer that i've been wanting to find for this entire year. & on the last session of sermon, i was in tears. The first time I actually walked to the front to want to get prayed for. I'm not someone that likes to be prayed for or pray for people cause i feel that prayer is such a sensitive thing. Something that reaches to your inner self, something that penetrates to the depths of your soul. I was afraid people will say things i never wanted to know bout myself or find out things i didnt want them to know so even though sometimes i feel touched by the holy spirit i never got the courage to go up.
So on the last session, i amazed myself by walking up. I was shivering, i was scared but i knew God wanted me to get Pastor Andy to pray for me. God wanted to use him to talk to me. & there was one line that Pastor Andy said during his prayer that really shocked me because god replied to me. Replied to me smth i never told anyone about. I knew it was God. Cause only God knows me that well
I'm really thankful to God for everything he has done for me throughout my life. I'm thankful for this friend that though i always take him for granted, he never leaves & never forsakes me when I need him. I'm thankful that he loved me so much that he gave his only son for me.
& today, its christmas but it is only a day of celebration if you know the meaning of it. That jesus was given to die on the cross to unify us once again with God. That God so loved the world that he gave his only son for us. That baby in the manger was given for us. That's what christmas is all about.
yea, carolled through the night last night & I'm glad i was able to reach out to so many non-christians.
Don't ever give up on saying the gospel brothers & sisters. The seed you've sown may not grow after the first, second, third time of sowing it, but one day it will grow. One day when that additional person puts in the effort to sow the seeed one more time, that seed will grow, it will grow.
This year has been amazing, I see God's provision, i see myself growing. & even though next year poses to be a huge problem to me, through this year i've grown stronger in my faith. I know I can do it through Christ who gives me strength. Results aren't as important as God. Fact & i've totally acknowledged that. okay that's all (:
Wishing everyone a Blessed Christmas & have a great year ahead! (:





Heyyy,
I just came back from my china studies trip in Xiamen (: and honestly, this experience was really good i think it was because everyone was really mature and it was different from secondary school trips cause the teachers trust us and we were treated like young adults. (:
Overall, the trip was really awesome in terms of the company and the studies-wise it was super beneficial (: made lots of new friends and gain lots of insights especially the talks with the professors and teachers.
I guess this trip was a really sad one in one aspect because this was the last trip in which Mr lim was gonna be my cse teacher. I'm sorry if i sound really childish but i get very emotionally attach to teachers who really touch my life. For instance, mr tan from sec school.
Even now, him no longer being my teacher, he still offered me so much help in the trip for my thesis which he totally dosen't need to. He was so helpful and understanding, he sat down and talked with everyone regardless of them being his student or not. He listened and he sorted out our thoughts and gave us insights. I really salute him for being a really awesome teacher. It is upsetting that he is no longer going to be my teacher & i will no longer be as close to him as i am now.
Okay, that aside. The trip was really relaxing in a way because it really made me think bout what's gonna happen next year. Cause we had lots of bus rides, i did a lot of thinking and reflections.
One thing that really brought tears to my eyes was the thought that nicole was leaving. She's my best friend. I only have one best friend. She's the only one that knows me as well as I do. She's the only one that i can really put down my guard and i can talk to her for hours and hours and the conversation just never ends. The thought of her leaving next year really hurts like crap for me.
The scary thing bout next year is that alot of things are changing. Almost all my teachers are changing, and my best friend is leaving, I'm changing as well. There's so many things that are uncertain and next year i'll be facing A levels.
Idk, i think the fear is killing me. I'm really afraid but okay, now scroll up and look at that rainbow picture. I saw this one morning when i was on the way to school. And you know the first thought that went through my brain when i saw that was, : That's God's promise to me, he's watching over me. The rainbow was so huge and so beautiful, it wasn't even an after rain thing, it was just there.
I think He's the only reason why i still pluck up my courage and move on. Because I know he holds tomorrow. When i looked at the rainbow, i just felt so comforted.
I'll be flying off to korea in 2 days time & honestly, my body isn't feeling too good after the china trip. But i know whatever the case, God's there. I'll be fine. (:
& the china trip, really, i'm thankful that everything went well despite the horrible traffic & oily food i came home safe & sound. (:
I really miss the church peeps, sigh. the thing bout this holiday is that, although it is time to rest, it is packed with so many things that i feel so tensed and it totally defeats the purpose.
Hopefully the korea trip will really help me to relaxxxx. & i hate all the holiday homework. GET OUTTA MY SIGHT ):
& I've affairs of the heart right now. Sigghhh
Blog again when i'm backkk!